20 Things 2020 Taught Me

At the end of each year, I usually take some time to reflect on where I am, what I’ve learned, and what I hope for the new year. Although I want to develop more mindfulness in my daily life, there is something about year ends that forces me (and all of us really) to take stock of where we are and ask ourselves if this is where we want to be.

Last year on New Years Eve, I told some of my friends that I wanted 2020 to be a year of growth. To me that meant, understanding myself better, investing in myself professionally and personally, and growing in confidence. And while I did not expect 2020 to turn out as it did (an understatement to say the least), I find myself grateful. Grateful for the twists and turns (even though I was kicking and screaming in the midst of them). Grateful for the things that were broken so they could be rebuilt. Grateful for time alone so I could learn that loneliness and being alone are different. And grateful for my family, friends, and community that taught me the importance of intentionality.

As 2020 comes to a close, I wanted to share a few more of my reflections from this past year.

1. This year stretched me beyond what I thought was possible. Although painful in the moment, seasons of stretching (spiritually, personally, professionally) are necessary for growth. Without a little (or giant) push out of our comfort zone, we can remain stagnant in so many areas of our life.
2. There were times I felt God was purposefully quiet. I know He never leaves, but there were moments where I felt He chose to remain silent. It was lonely and hard and made me question so much of my faith. But something shifted when I changed my prayers from why to what. Instead of asking God why is this happening? I started asking what could I learn?
3. I am proud of what I’ve accomplished. Whether it was deeper relationships, prioritizing my health, or reaching new goals at work — I am proud of myself.
4. Gratitude and contentment go hand in hand. Throughout all the uncertainty of this year, I found that when I practiced gratitude, contentment followed.
5. 2021 may look similar to 2020, but I still am expectant for more to come and for God to bring hope and restoration in my life, in the lives of others, and in our communities.
6. I struggle deeply with insecurity but this year brought a new sense of confidence. I felt my perspective was valued at work and in friendships. I see value in my voice, in my opinions, and in my emotions.
7. I like to think I know what’s best for my life but I really don’t. God kept me in places that I really wanted to leave. But now looking back I see why I had to stay. I was given new opportunities, learned new skills, and grew in ways I didn’t know I needed. Sometimes we need to just trust that God’s plan for us is better than anything we could make on our own. Even when it doesn’t feel like anything is happening, God shows up in our ordinary days and in our ordinary moments to teach us the beauty of consistency.
8. Even when I felt like I failed or faltered in my faith, God remained constant.
9. When I felt unloved, God’s word spoke truth and light into my heart.
10. God’s plan for our lives cannot be shaken.
11. God’s peace is true, lasting and secure.
12. Enjoy and embrace the surprises and interruptions of the day. Some of the most meaningful moments come in the unexpected and unscheduled parts of our day.
13. Loving yourself takes time. We fill our days with constant noise and activity, that we forget to embrace stillness. Time alone was restorative for me. Time alone helped me realize that I like myself. So often I wait on the affirmation of others to define my worth. But, time alone gave me room to breathe, and discover myself again. And I liked what I found. I loved what I found.
14. I have value. Not because of anything I do or say, but just because God says so.
15. Nature healed my soul. On days when I felt the most distraught, my walks outside were a comfort. Beauty in nature grounded me. If trees and creeks and birds all found their place in the world, then so would I.
16. God can speak through anything and anyone at any time.
17. Community is necessary. When the pandemic took away the ability to gather, I realized I needed to be more intentional with my time, my friendships, and my family. We don’t know how much time we get with the people in our life and I want to make sure they know I care about them.
18. Boundaries are good. I was constantly saying yes to people with no regard for my own feelings. I want to do more things that bring me joy. That might mean stepping away from a relationship for a time, or saying no when I need to, or not picking up that call I know will drain me. People may not understand but taking care of me is worth it. Guarding my heart is worth it. I am worth it. The love I give to others I can also show to myself.
19. Loneliness and being alone are different. I am embracing the stillness, the peace, and the joy of alone.
20. God is good. God is faithful and kind. God is the sweetest friend, confidante, and courage bringer. Even when there are so many unknowns, I can trust He is writing a beautiful story for me and for you.

I hope you get some time to reflect on this year. To celebrate the victories, no matter how big or small. To grieve the losses, no matter how big or small. And to have hope, no matter how big or small, for a bright and beautiful new year.